Monday, January 26, 2009

Ben's Top 20 Films of 2008


Well I've finally decided that it's about time to unveil what I considered to be the best films of 2008.  I'm no professional critic by any means, but I do run a second blog with film reviews of my own.  I don't get paid for it, I simply do it because I love it, and it helps me process what films I've seen critically and also sharpen my reviewing skills.  In my humble opinion we've seen a great year in cinema overall, and seeing as how this is awards season in Hollywood and everyone is making lists and handing out awards in anticipation of the Academy Awards on February 22nd, I figured I'd make a "top ten" list of my own.  The only problem as I began to compile such a list was that I simply found too many films I liked and had to extend my list to a "top twenty" just to start to include a few of them.  These are simply my opinion of course, and I'd love to know what people think about my selections here.  I believe they reflect both my tastes and interests, and would heartedly recommend most all of these to anyone interested in seeing a good film.  There's a good chance at least one or two of the films on this list escaped your notice this past year and I recommend renting or seeing one of these excellent movies soon!  Where possible I've included a link to my original review from my other blog, but in some cases I may not have seen the film originally in theaters so there isn't a review available, or in other cases, the review is "coming soon" as I'm still catching up on writing reviews for many of the films I saw over Christmas break.  So without further ado, here are... 

Ben's Top 20 Films of 2008

20. Traitor
I'm a sucker for anything with Don Cheadle in it, and I found this story to be both well written and well acted.  Who would have thought that a international thriller by Steve Martin (yes, that Steve Martin) would be as intriguing or engaging as this?  Featuring brilliant turns by both Cheadle and Guy Pearce, the film certainly lives up to it's tagline that "the truth is complicated" and may very well be the most honest assessment of the duel nature of Islam as a religion and a ideology.  It may or may not live up to it's intrigue depending on who you talk to, but one thing is for sure, after viewing this movie you can have a very interesting conversation afterwards.  Read my original review here

19. Man On Wire
This may be one of the most entertaining documentaries I've seen recently, and the fascinating story of the equally fascinating Philippe Petit is sure to capture the imagination of viewers everywhere.  What would lead a man to commit the "artistic crime of the century" by stringing a tightrope between the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York and balancing precariously over the 1350 foot drop below?  This dramatic recreation and docudrama of the 1974 true story is both fascinating and magical in a unique way all it's own, and is currently the forerunner to win Best Documentary at this year's Oscars.  It goes against the commonly misunderstood notion that all documentaries are boring, on the contrary, this film is far more entertaining that many of the fictional stories released in cinemas each week, and Petit could almost make a case for Best Actor with his eccentric, quirky, and utterly fascinating personality.  I saw this one on DVD a few weeks ago and so don't have a full review available, but I highly recommend it.  

18. Redbelt
This David Mamet helmed-drama features one of my favorite young actors, the talented Chiwetel Ejiofor, in a role suited well for his personality and screen presence.  You could argue the film unravels a bit in it's final act, but I personally loved this story of a man fighting for his honor and dedicating himself fully to his craft amidst great resistance on all sides.  The characters have a raw feeling to them, and at times you feel like the acting is purposely underdeveloped to give more realism to the entire tale, a move that I think adds to the films strengths as a whole.  Read the full review here.

17. Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden?
While Man on Wire may be the most award worthy of this years documentaries, I found the latest project by Morgan Spurlock to be one of the most entertaining to watch.  It balances a fine line between being engaging and thought-provoking whilst at the same time remaining humorous and captivating.  Anyone interested in learning more about life in the Middle East would probably enjoy this one, and while the subject of this film is certainly night and day from his past project, SuperSize Me, Spurlock is quickly making a name for himself in the documentary world.  I bought this one on DVD as a blind buy and wasn't disappointed, sadly though that means there is no full review available.  

16. The Children of Huang Shi
This film holds a special place in my heart since having seen it most recently of any of the films on this list.  It's certainly a passion project for it's director as well, Roger Spottiswoode.  The film tells the true story of George Hogg, a British journalist who went to Nanjing, China during the cities infamous 1937 rape at the hands of the Japanese in WWII.  What begins as a simply journalistic endeavor becomes a personal story of responsibility, courage, and hope as he takes into his care the safety and well-being of a group of 60 orphaned Chinese boys and leads them over hundreds of miles to the safe city of Shandon.  Criminally under-promoted and seen by only a few audiences in select cities around the country, the film was the victim of what looks like a small budget and weak advertising campaign that really didn't give it much of a chance, and regardless of some of the weaker moments in the film (the acting isn't as strong as it could be, some of the effects look a little fake), the story here is what counts.  I found it good enough and important for a little-known part of WWII history to include it in my top 20, and would highly recommend it.  It features a fairly strong cast including Jonathan Rhys Meyers (August Rush), Radha Mitchell (Pitch Black), Chow Yun Fat (Croutching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), Michelle Yeoh (Memoirs of a Geisha), and David Wenham (The Lord of the Rings).  The real star however, is China herself and the many children who play the orphans.  The film may have suffered from a small budget, but they sure didn't cut costs on production design choosing to film much of the movie on location in China amidst beautiful scenery.  I saw it only last week on DVD and so there's no full review, but I do heartedly recommend it.  

15. Doubt   
Whenever you get 4 talented actors like Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, and Viola Davis together, you're gonna have a hit on your hands.  Such is the case with the tightly acted and brilliantly written Doubt.  For a film that takes place almost entirely in a few enclosed locations, the acting and writing here do wonders, and the directing is surprisingly engaging as well.  Writer/Director John Patrick Shanley has made a very good movie here, and I was pleasantly engaged from the first scene to the end credits.  All four actors give performances of depth and beauty, and for anyone who likes a well written script in the hands of some very good actors, I can't recommend Doubt enough.  Full review is located here

14. Valkyrie
I really thought I would hate this movie before I saw it.  I didn't buy Tom Cruise in the trailers, and the film was plagued by delays and troubles all the way up until it was released.  Upon viewing it however, I was actually very impressed with the overall high caliber of the performances and the story.  To be fair, the film has it's flaws, but they are fewer than I anticipated and overall the film holds up.  Even though you know going into the film that they won't succeed in their assassination attempt of Adolph Hitler, the story nevertheless keeps you glued to your seat and holding your breathe until the very end.  It also does something unique historically in the way it certainly sheds light on a chapter of German history that I believe all modern day Germans can take pride in; that is, it shows how even in their nation's darkest hour there were men who loved their country enough to do what was morally right and necessary.  A strong supporting cast helps buoy a better-than-expected Cruise and gives us one of the more entertaining historical films of the year.  Full review can be found here.  

13. Waltz With Bashir
This unique blend of foreign film, animation, and documentary has proved to be a critical darling and frontrunner for Best Foreign Film at the Oscars.  The documentation of one man's desire to uncover the truth from a hazy war time memory makes for an engaging, if unconventional piece of cinema.  Director Ari Folman takes a personal story and creates a documentary of his findings, then overlaying them in animation to recreate the events in question.  The result is a juxtaposition of cinematic beauty and bizarreness, and yet the experience will haunt you after viewing.  Not for most audiences, Waltz With Bashir is certainly one of the most eye-catching and interesting films made in recent years.  A full review can be found here

12. Cloverfield
It seems like this film was released a lot earlier than this past year, but in fact it was the rare January hit of 2008, raking in a little over $80 million during the course of it's theatrical run.  Considering that the film had an overall price tag of just $25 million, you could say this one laughed all the way to the bank as audiences all across America, myself included, clamored to see the latest project from "Lost" mastermind J.J. Abrams.  This Blair Witch-meets-Godzilla film was the result of an excellent viral marketing campaign and a high curiosity factor, and even though the film looses a lot of steam upon repeat viewings, you have to admit that it was one of the most creative and risky projects that paid off of the past year.   Sadly, I didn't start my film review blog until midway into the spring of 2008, so there is no full review available.  

11. Iron Man
The latest entry to the superhero genre was a massive success both critically and commercially, and in my opinion the acting of Robert Downey Jr. was both pitch-perfect and superb in the title role.  This film encapsulated what the summer movie season was all about, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing it twice on the big screen with friends.  Marvel Studios hit this one out of the park, and expectations now ride high for the inevitable sequel due out in 2010.  You can read my full review here

10. The Visitor
Screen veteran Richard Jenkins has received strong praise and a Best Actor nomination for his turn in this beautiful little gem of a movie.  Playing a disillusioned college professor named Walter who stumbles upon a couple living illegally in his New York apartment, he ends up taking a personal interest and stake in their lives.  The film features performances both subtle and striking on both sides as the characters learn more about each other in a film that is ultimately life affirming and uplifting in a poignant and personal way that few films achieve today.  It's nice to see Jenkins, long a background player, finally headline such a charming little film, and I can only hope more audiences discover the simple joys that are found in viewing The Visitor.  I bought this one on a blind buy, and wouldn't you know it, it's made it into my top ten!  No full review available.     

9. Changeling
Anytime Clint Eastwood steps behind the camera, be prepared to be moved in a masterful way.  Directing his latest project here (at least until Gran Torino, which comes up later in the list...) Eastwood tells the true story of a case of mistaken identity that resulted in a scandal that ripped the LAPD apart in 1930's Los Angeles.  The lead role of Christine Collins, played passionately by Angelina Jolie in one of her strongest dramatic roles to date, is sure to resonate with mothers everywhere, and the well crafted directing of Eastwood lead to one of the more simply beautiful and engaging films of the year.  Full review can be found here

8. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Regardless of what some critics and friends of mine have said, I actually rather liked Benjamin Button.  Sure, I know it was Forrest Gump 2.0 and incredibly long and humorless for the most part, but I found the film to be enchanting in a unique old-style Hollywood kind of way.  The makeup jobs were incredible, particularly on Cate Blanchett, and even though director David Fincher took many liberties with the original F. Scott Fitzgerald short story, I found the overall effect rather lovely and hypnotizing.  It reminded me of a cross between Forrest Gump and Big Fish, and seeing as how I enjoyed both of those films, it's safe to see why Benjamin Button ranked so high on my list.  Full review can be found here

7. Che
Technically this is two films, The Argentine (Che Part I) and Guerrilla (Che Part II), but you really have to see them as one massive effort from director Steven Soderbergh.  I found the documentary style and gritty storytelling used here to fit the subject perfectly, and Benicio Del Toro gives one of the most incredible performances of his career.  It's a crime he wasn't nominated for Best Actor, but the film suffered from distribution woes due to it's cumbersome length and independent nature.  Still, the fact that few will get to see it in it's entire 4+ hour entirely doesn't detract from the epic feeling associated with this film.  You'll probably have to wait for the DVD, but by all means, watch this when it comes out.  The fact that the film(s) have many similarities to one of my all time favorites, Lawrence of Arabia, didn't hurt it's image at all in my eyes, on the contrary, it scored even higher on my list because of it's epic qualities.  Grand in it's scope and intimate in it's portrayal, the film doesn't flinch but insists on giving a full picture of the man, both his political triumphs (mostly seen in Cuba in Part I) and his failures (mostly seen in Bolivia in Part 2).  If you watch this epic 2 part film after viewing The Motorcycle Diaries (2004) you can pretty much consider it one of the best biography trilogies ever made in recent memory.  A full review can be found here

6. Frost/Nixon
This may be Ron Howard's best work in a long time.  Based on the play by Peter Morgan (who you may remember as the guy who wrote The Queen), the film tells the story of the famous series of television interviews between British talk-show host David Frost and former US president Richard Nixon.  Featuring brilliant turns by both Frank Langella (who gets my vote for Best Actor in his portrayal of Nixon) and Michael Sheen (who is poorly overlooked too often for being a very impressive actor), the film is essentially a series of talking heads recreating history, and yet the way the story is told, it keeps you riveted to your seats the entire time.  The game of cat-and-mouse between Frost and Nixon keeps you engaged for the entire course of the film, and in the end you feel like you've seen both men at their most vulnerable and honest.  It's no surprise that this film is one of the 5 Best Picture nominees this year, and it would actually have my vote for Best Picture if not for another film, one which tops this list... A full review of Frost/Nixon can be found here

5. Gran Torino
Clint Eastwood gives one of his most powerful (and quite possibly one of his last) performances in this film about a stubborn old war veteran learning to see past his racial prejudices.  Essentially it's a coming of age story for the young Asian characters desperate for some sort of role model or male leadership in their society, and Eastwood in a way becomes the "wise village elder" in a society where it is needed.   I was reminded of John Wayne's film The Cowboys, in which through tough love and gruff methods, an old cowboy teaches and trains a group of young boys and in effect, helps them make the transition to manhood.  The social implications and messages of Gran Torino may not be as subtle as some of Eastwood's other films, but the role he plays is beautifully redemptive in a very unique way.  Tainted with racial slurs and foul language, the film nevertheless rises above it's seeming intolerance to promote a type of maturity and respect that is especially lacking in the youth of today.  A full review can be found here

4. Defiance
I love the films of director Ed Zwick, and this is no exception.  Following in the traditions of Legends of the Fall, Glory, The Last Samurai, and Blood Diamond; Defiance is another worthy film that knows how to entertain and yet make an impact on it's audience as well.  Zwick is a master at knowing when to insert a joke, a kiss, or a tear, and masterfully weaves all of those elements into his movies.  Featuring mostly underdog heroes in times of danger and peril, his films have always been unique in that they are life-affirming while yet set amidst war and violence.  This true story of the Bielski brothers, Jews who struck back at the Nazis during WWII from their woodland base camp in the heart of the Belorussian forrest, has all the makings of a great film, and is wonderful entertaining while being historically important as well.  Featuring Daniel Craig in what may be one of his best roles to date, this film should be seen by everyone if for no other reason than that this story simply deserves to be told.  A full review can be found here

3. WALL-E
Pixar hit this one out of the park, and director Andrew Stanton may have made one of the most critically acclaimed animated films of all times in doing so.  It's good enough to run for Best Picture, and even though it won't be, it deserves to be seen as one of the best films of 2008.  The story of a robot desperate to experience love and relationships is quite simply one of the most perfectly told stories I've seen in some time.  If you haven't seen this film yet, where have you been?  Seriously, go out and rent it today, and look for the deeper message that lies beneath the supposed environmental agenda (and agenda that, if you read my full review here, Stanton actually denies he was aiming for...)  This "little robot that could" will win you over with his plucky attitude and heartwarming depth.  

2. The Dark Knight
This film is hands down the best superhero movie ever made.  Featuring a stellar cast and unforgettable performances, the plot is complex and tightly crafted in a way no other comic book film has been so far.  It's also understandably dark, and I even have to wonder how it avoided an R rating at times.  The film grabs you and never lets go, and even upon repeat viewings one had to admit the amazing craftsmanship that went into this motion picture. You can read my much longer musings on the film here, and if you haven't seen this one yet then you're certainly in the minority, it's become the 2nd highest grossing film of all time behind 1997's Titanic. In the hands of director Christopher Nolan, we have what is almost the most perfect film of 2008, with one little exception...

1. Slumdog Millionaire
I'm going to agree with Peter Travers of Rolling Stone who opens his review by saying "What I feel for this movie isn't just admiration, it's mad love." I've seen Slumdog an unprecedented six times in theaters now (trust me when I say that is huge, I never see a film more than twice in theaters, and even then that's incredibly rare) and am still absolutely obsessed with it.  You can read my full review here, and know that I'll be pulling hard for this film to win Best Picture and talking about it for years to come.  I can't ever recall having been so excited and in love with such a vibrant film - full of color, music, and life - in a long long time.  In my mind, it's as close to perfect as cinema can get, and I'll proudly agree with Richard Corliss of Time Magazine who says "This is a buoyant hymn to life, and a movie to celebrate."  Major accolades are due to the entire cast and crew of director Danny Boyle's pitch perfect Slumdog Millionaire.    

Well there you have it... my top 20 of the year.  No doubt someone will stumble upon this list and demand to know where films such as The Wrestler, Australia, and Milk are on my list (short answer: I saw them, and they didn't do much for me) while others will wonder why I've left off such films as Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Rachel Getting Married, The Reader, Revolution Road, and Synecdoche, New York (short answer: I still haven't seen them, probably will wait for the DVD).  Short of a few omissions such as these however, this list is simply my opinions based on what I have seen and I welcome all friendly and engaging debating over my selections here.  Enjoy!

 

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Southern Boy's Adventures in LA: Ben vs. Nastia Liukin


So as many of you were aware, back this past summer I watched the Beijing olympics rather religiously.  I loved them... (and if you didn't know this about myself, know that I LOVE the olympics... I have a few reasons listed in a round-about way in an old blog I posted here.)  I was glued to the television for the Opening Ceremonies, and I absolutely loved the Parade of Nations, one of the most amazing things we witness every time the games roll around.  The torch lighting ceremony was pretty unreal too!  As the games took off, I watched every single one of Michael Phelps 8 medal-winning races in real-time.  I cheered passionately for Aaron Peirsol and Natalie Coughlin, marveled at the skills of Kirsty Coventry, and went ballistic at the end of the men's 4 x 100m Freestyle Relay when Jason Lezak overtook the French and put America on top.  I watched Usain Bolt destroy the world records in the 100m and 200m dash in the track-and-field finals.  I loved watching Misty May-Treanor & Kerri Walsh dominate women's beach volleyball.  I was impressed by China's diving skills, disturbed by the youthful look of their women's gymnastics team, and overall loved their hosting of what some have called "the most memorable Olympics in history."    

Which brings me to Nastia Liukin.  Going into the games, everyone who talked about women's gymnastics was focusing on Shawn Johnson, the 16 year old petite balance-beam queen with the million dollar smile. I liked the red-headed Shawn, she's cute as a button and really did capture the hearts of America with her grace and poise.  But I was more interested in watching Nastia Liukin, the tall and elegant 18 year old blonde daughter of a Soviet gymnastic legend.  To me, Nastia was the quintessential American all-around gymnast, and she proved it when she took home the gold medal in the Women's All Around Competition.  To just go ahead and say it, I'll admit: I developed an Olympic crush on Nastia Liukin.  Nothing inappropriate mind you, but let's just say I just found myself in front of the TV every time she performed... :-)

At the end of the Olympics, I did a little research and found that according to her website, Nastia promises to respond to all of her snail mail from fans, and they even had an address to direct all autograph requests to.  You can see where this is all heading can't you.... :-)  I sat down and wrote my favorite gymnast a letter in which I thanked her for being a good role model for young girls everywhere, one that shows how discipline and hard work pay off, and how I respect people like her a lot more than the hollywood starlets and such who get in the news for their sexual and drunken escapades.  I also told her that I thought she seemed like a good sport on TV and I appreciated having girls like her represent the USA in the olympic games.   And I of course asked for her autograph, including a self-addressed stamped envelope with my fan letter.  

Well this was all written and mailed before October... so I just kinda waited for a reply, figuring it would take about 4 to 8 weeks because of her new Olympic fame and public demand.  As the weeks turned to months, I actually kinda forgot that I had mailed her anything, and just kinda figured that I wasn't going to get a response.  Then I got back to LA after a Christmas break in Birmingham, and I was pleasantly surprised and happy to find a familiar looking envelope waiting in my mailbox.  I opened it, and the rest is history... as you can see from the above photo, I succeeded in getting her autograph after all.  And she even signed it with a little heart... I think she loves me. Haha, No, I know I know, but still, I was pretty excited to get this response from Nastia Liukin.  Well, it's been framed and is sitting on my desk.  Happy 2009 everyone! Haha.   

A Southern Boy's Adventures in LA: Ben vs. Lindsay Lohan


So this story occurred back on Monday, December 1st, at approximately 10:05 pm... there's really nothing to it, just one of those stupid little moments where yours truly makes a fool of himself in front of someone. 

To set the stage, I had been hanging out at the Arclight Theater all evening over on Sunset Blvd with my friend Kam who I know from church/bible study.  Kam had a friend who works at the Arclight and he was able to get us free tickets to see films of our choice there, and since neither of us wanted to pay for the gay-themed movie Milk but were both kinda curious to see what all the fuss was about (and I wanted to be better able to debate the film with proponents of the gay rights movement), we both decided to see it at 7:00... well... you can read my reaction to that horrendous motion picture here.  Anyways, we decided to get another film in to capitalize on our free movie chances and also wash away the sour Milk still in our mouths.  (It goes without saying that there was honestly nothing out at this time of year, hence the lousy film choices... we also weren't paying for these films as I've stated previously... hence the lousy film choices.)

We settle for what looks like a mediocre comedy, Four Christmases... (and boy, was it ever... so much so that I haven't even acknowledged it with a review over on my film blog, and seeing as how I'm terribly behind on my film reviews - I have at least nine or ten films I've seen but not reviewed yet - you probably won't be seeing a review for Four Christmases anytime soon... sorry.)  The film starts at 10:10 and I step to the bathroom before the screening.  When I enter the theater, I see Kam on the opposite side of the room, and so naturally the thing to do is to walk in front of the whole theater and go over to where she is by the other side entrance.  There was virtually no one in our theater, just two people sitting in the middle about half way up the stadium seating.  I don't know what got into me, but I can only assume that because I was in a goofy sort of mood and had just seen Milk, I felt like instead of walking across the theater, I should do a little gay prance/skip/hop instead.  So away I go, bounding around like a fool, waving my arms in the air.  Kam and the theater workers are laughing as I skip towards them, and I hear giggling coming from the two figures seated in the theater.  

I end my prance of gaiety over by Kam and the workers and immediately am informed by the theater worker: "Hey man, nice going, you just made a fool of yourself in front of Lindsay Lohan" Now to be accurate, he didn't use the word "fool"... he used a word more commonly associated with California, one I can't repeat here, but it brings up connotations of a donkey... all that said, I look up and sure enough, there's Lindsay Lohan herself, along with her bisexual girlfriend Samantha Ronson (pictured above) laughing away at me.  I almost couldn't recognize them, they both were wearing wool caps pulled down over their hair, the wet ends of which hung down by their faces (the descriptive phrase "drowned rat" or "wet dog" comes to mind), and they both looked pretty awful to put it bluntly.  So I'm not sure which was funnier, being laughed at for doing a gay little skip, or being laughed at by someone looking like Lohan and Co.  

Either way, it made for a memorable moment, one which I shan't soon forget.  I'll refrain from saying too much about what I think of Lindsay and Samantha, but let's just say folks like them can laugh at me anytime they wish... doesn't bother me in the least, coming from them.  The saddest thing is that this little incident was waaaay funnier than anything that happened in the movie... but oh well, that's why we didn't pay for our tickets.  ;-) 


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Southern Boy's Adventures in LA: Ben vs. One of God's Precious Miracles


OK, so first off, sorry I've been away.  A little friend of mine called "Busy" showed up at my door about a month ago and I couldn't get him to leave until after the New Year... needless to say I've not posted any blogs at all in a very long time, either on this blog or on my other one.  The past month has been a whirlwind of travel, work, family, and holidays, and I'm only just now getting back on my feet.  

So to start off the new year, I thought I'd share a post about my most recent flight experience.  I'm sure some of you will be able to relate to this one.  On January 5th I was scheduled to fly back to Los Angeles from Birmingham, AL.  LA has about 4 airports surrounding it, the largest and most miserable being the infamous Los Angeles International Airport (LAX).  I live a good 45 minute drive (taking traffic into consideration) from LAX, so I use Burbank airport instead... it's smaller and north of where I live, which is nice because I don't have to drive through the city or any heavy traffic areas to get to where I'm going.  So using Southwest Airlines, I had booked my flight out of Birmingham to Burbank, with a lay-over and plane swap taking place in Phoenix, Arizona.  I awoke on the morning of Jan 5th to say my goodbyes to family, friends, Birmingham, sweet tea, manners, polite speech, civility, and everything else the south has that LA certainly doesn't.  Then I drove to the Birmingham airport where we quickly discovered that due to heavy fog in the area, my flight had been delayed a full hour.  The problem was that my lay-over in Phoenix was only an hour, so now I was in danger of missing my connecting flight to Burbank thanks to the delay in Birmingham. 

Well we finally got off the ground about 55 minutes after our scheduled departure time, and the pilot informed us that due to heavy fog and a strong headwind upwards of 200 mph, we probably wouldn't make up much lost time on our trip to Phoenix.  I was sitting near the rear of the aircraft in a window seat, comfortably reading a book I had gotten for Christmas, The Reason For God by Dr. Timothy Keller, (which I highly recommend by the way, so far it's excellent).  Next to me was a middle aged woman reading a copy of Twilight (if that isn't a microcosm for all that is wrong in America, I don't know what is...), and next to her in the aisle seat was a young mother.  Across the aisle in the next row over was this young mother's daughter, a precious little blonde headed toddler, and next to her was the girls father / mother's husband.  One big happy family. Until we got airborne.  That's when this precious miracle and blessing from God started wailing her little totally depraved head off.  And she didn't stop.  The. Entire. Flight.  

Needless to say I'd had enough of God's Little Blessing screaming in my ear, and I would like to offer this word of advice to any future parents or parents of small ones out there:  Your little bundle of joy may be one of God's children, but it's certainly not one of mine.  If you can't keep it quiet in public, please don't fly across America.  Furthermore, this father's extent of discipline and control of the situation was to let his daughter scream the whole way.  Occasionally he'd turn to her and say quietly and politely, "Shhh.  It's OK. Please don't yell... Stop it, please".  I appreciate the fact that you've decided to be a civil father figure and all, but c'mon, seriously?  Since when did politely telling a youngster to refrain from public wailing replace the force and instant results garnered by a swift kick to the head?  I'm not advocating beating your children... but if it makes them shut up on cross-country flights, you may want to consider the option.  That's all I'm trying to say, really.  And for the record, I love kids.  Really I do.  I worked with them all summer.  I just wish they came with a "ring, vibrate, or silent" function like most cell phones...  

Happy New Year.  Enjoy the picture, taken with my new iPhone... photographic proof of the doctrine of total depravity...