Every Grain of Sand...

Well if any of you follow my blog regularly, (I think maybe there's like... ummm... one person other than me who qualifies), you've probably noticed a lack of posting as of lately.  Here's what this means:  I'm lazy.  It doesn't mean I'm busy.  Sadly, I would very much like to be busy, but thanks to the great tranquility of our current economy (sarcasm intended) I've been more or less unemployed and hard hit for money as of the last few months.  On top of that, remember when Paul wrote in the New Testament (as opposed to all of his Old Testament writings I suppose - had to catch that before some of you wise guys did) about having a "thorn in his flesh?"  Yeah?  Well I got one of those... it's called a 1995 Nissan Maxima that has officially been taken into the mechanic for the "last time" about 4 times now over the course of the last 3 months... each time I take it in, I get hit with anywhere from $340 to $1260 in repair costs.  Suffice it to say, Los Angeles eats cars alive with the horrible roads and constant driving everywhere, so yeah, Murphy's Law has been after me for the last few months in regards to my automobile.  For those of you unacquainted with Murphy's Law... well... how should I explain it?... good for you.  Ignorance is bliss.  

So where does this leave me? Well as of today I've applied to a few job posting on craigslist and finally got my car out of the shop for the 4th time.  What I hope this means is that we're about to see a change... and no, I'm in no way referencing or referring to Barrack Obama with that remark.  I'm hoping that starting soon, things will begin to work together for my good.  And here's the catch: I know they will.  How do I know that?  Because a few nights back I read through Ephesians... for those folks who stumbled upon this blog and are scratching their heads, it's in the Bible.  Allow me to explain a little more.  When you read through Ephesians, a few things "oughta' slap you upside the head" as my granddad would say.  First, the precious promises of God.  These aren't earthly promises folks.  They don't get changed, altered, skewered, or come with strings attached.  These are promises made to those whom God loves, to those He has called according to His rich mercy and love.  I'm not always sure of a lot, but one thing I am sure of is this: God loves me.  There's no better explanation for the fact that I'm still breathing.  I know He certainly doesn't have to love me... He doesn't have to love any of us.  But for whatever reason that is beyond my comprehension, God chose me before the foundations of the earth were laid as someone He would love, and I can take that to the bank.  

Reading through Ephesians 2 might be the best remedy ever devised for feeling frustrated and anxious.  It really hammers home a few things: 1) It's not about me... I didn't do anything to earn or gain this favor and love... in fact, I ran from it as an enemy of God.  2) It's all about Him... His grace... His mercy... His love... poured out on undeserving sinners like you and me.  3) There was a terrible cost... his grace doesn't exist apart from his justice... someone had to pay.  That someone was the one person who shouldn't ever have had to, his perfect son, Christ Jesus.  4) It's through these two things: the sheer grace of God and the ultimate costly sacrifice of Christ, that we are in fact reconciled to God... brought into His favor... more than that, we're actually made heirs and family members, adopted into His family! Read Romans 5 if you really want a kick in the head!

So yeah... I'm starting to ramble a little now, and I'm not trying to preach, that's not my area of strength by any means.  I only know that ever since reading through Ephesians, my mind has been consumed with the love of Christ and the power of the gospel, and not as tied up by my current situation out here of not having a job, a perfect car, etc.  Has my situation out here changed?  On the outside, not at all.  But in my soul, I've been reawakened to the beauty of the gospel and God's love for me, and also been rudely awakened to the fact that I need to do a much better job of repenting and confessing and being a good deal more thankful than I am now for what I have been given.  As my understanding of my sin increases, my understanding of God's love, mercy, grace, and righteousness also grows.  Charles Spurgeon once said "If your sin is small, then your Savior will be small also.  But if your sin is great, then your Savior must be great."  Well I know my Savior is great... Ephesians (and the rest of the Bible) screams this with every verse... so what's that tell me about my sin?  Uh yeah... time to hit my knees folks.  I've no more got it together than any of you reading this.  

So yeah... I'm not gonna lie, things aren't exactly fluffy little bunny rabbits and fields of golden daffodils right now, but you know what?  Who said they should be?  If they were, I probably would be living in ignorance right now more than ever.  All this to say, sometimes God uses dark brush strokes to paint his masterpiece, and we can't be scared to face those dark times.  This is still the same God who can silence the wind and waves with a simple command, and as rough as it may get sometimes, He has promised to never let us go... to close, I'd like to call up two songs.  For one, I'm reminded of the children's song I used to sing growing up, "He's Got The Whole World in His Hands"... man, how often do we "grow up" and leave behind our child-like faith when in fact we had the truth and understanding right there in front of us? Seriously... He's got the whole world in his hands folks.  It wasn't like He dropped it when the stocks fell.  It still answers to Him and Him alone, as He is the sole Creator with power of his creation.  It's got the scars of sin, sure, but it's still a beautiful world in many ways... Just because it's dark doesn't mean we should give up.  As long as we're here, we're called to grow.  Yes, this world is not our home, but we're still ambassadors here for the time being, temporarily being used to grow and impact the kingdom of God, and it's time we learned to act as such.  

The other song I'd like to reference I'll simply close with here... the source may not be what you'd expect, but then again, if God could use a talking donkey, then don't be so quick to throw this guy out.  You've probably heard of him... he goes by the name Bob Dylan.  Check out his lyrics to "Every Grain of Sand" below and you may be surprised...  I for one think he hit the nail right on the head here:

In the time of my confession, in the hour of my deepest need

When the pool of tears beneath my feet flood every newborn seed

There's a dyin' voice within me reaching out somewhere, 

Toiling in the danger and the morals of despair.

I don't have the inclination to look back on any mistake

Like Cain, I now behold the chain of events that I must break.

In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand

In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand.

Oh, the flowers of indulgence and the weeds of yesteryear,

Like criminals, they have choked the breathe of conscience and good cheer.

The sun beat down upon the steps of time to light the way

To ease the pain of idleness and the memory of decay.

As I gaze into the doorway of temptations angry flame

And every time I pass that way I always hear my name.

Then onward on my journey I have come to understand

That every hair is numbered just like every grain of sand.

I have gone from rags to riches in the sorrow of the night

In the violence of a summer's dream, in the chill of wintry light,

In the bitter dance of loneliness fading into space,

In the broken mirror  of innocence in each forgotten face.

I hear the ancient footsteps like the motion of the sea

Sometimes I turn, there's someone there, other times it's only me.

I am hanging in the balance of a perfect finished plan

Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand...